new favorite concept: monologuing

people want to listen to you!

Dear reader,

I hope you’re doing well! Did you step outside today?

I wanted to share with you a new favorite concept: launching into monologue. I’m so serious. Think “She should have died hereafter.” Think nearly every single Calvin and Hobbes comic.

For a few years now, I’ve carried around this insecurity with me that I am unable to maintain engaging, meaningful conversations with people. Recently, though, I’ve realized that it’s just because I expect people to talk about themselves as much as I talk about myself—and that can definitely cause a lot of misunderstandings on both ends. Take this Substack, for example. I’m writing to you with the assumption that you will reach out, comment, or discuss with your IRL friends if you find this post engaging. Your insight is so valuable and I’m assuming that, well, of course you’d want to share it! But depending on how you approach the conversations you have within your circles, you might be more or less hesitant to chime in.

That’s perfectly okay, of course, but today I want to encourage you to just say what’s on your mind! More specifically, talk about yourself! You are such an interesting person! When did you wake up this morning? How come? That’s so cool. Are you really busy today? How many unread emails do you have? Not to brag, but I have like three. And those are the three emails I’ve marked unread on purpose because I need to refer to them later. Again, not to brag or anything.

I mean this in the most humble, demure way possible, but I love talking about myself. I’m generally an engaging storyteller, and since I’m also literally the most dramatic person to ever exist in the history of the universe, my instinctive response to any question I’m asked will start off with a basic answer and immediately veer into a topsy-turvy story (“I woke up at 4AM today because…and then she chased me through the Iceland airport…but yeah, I guess that’s why I’ve never felt easy to love.”) You’ll always laugh when you’re with me because I’ll make sure of it.

Lying is bad, and being self-centered is bad. But the next time there’s a lull in conversation, if something even slightly interesting happened to you in the past five years, it is not only morally acceptable but in fact ethically incumbent to say, “Oh my god, the most insane thing just happened to me…” and keep the conversation going. If you take the lead by being enthusiastic about sharing your own experiences—and of course being equally receptive of the other person sharing theirs in turn—you’ll connect easily and likely develop a more genuine sense of having gotten to know each other.

And this leads me to why monologuing specifically is so essential: we’re all living in such an individualistic society that we’ve forgotten what it’s like to just burst through the door and call our friends and pace up and down waving our arms for hours, complaining about that one guy. You know which one. I think that our generation is amazing at respecting each other’s boundaries and being mindful of everyone’s emotional load, but we’re so awful at being a community. You’re allowed to let your feelings expand inside your chest and fill up a room. It’s a good thing to be unafraid to take up space in other people’s lives. Your friends won’t pack up and leave you if you talk about yourself for five more minutes. In fact, monologuing every so often—confidently taking over a conversation (as appropriate)—can be an indicator of a strengthening bond between you and your audience. Unnecessarily take up an hour of somebody else’s time, let those around you immerse themselves in your story.

You’re already the main character in your own life, but even side characters get their moment to shine eventually and you know it. You deserve to be the main character in your friends’ or acquaintances’ lives for an hour or an episode or even just a minute or two. People want to listen to the unique perspectives you bring. Give your fans what they’re asking for! I’m rooting for you, Hamlet.

Love,
Reva

---

On repeat: “Breathing” by NCT DREAM